Tag Archives: funny

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading.  Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

Grab your current read.
Open to a random page.
Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page.
BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

This teaser is from Sizzling Sixteen by Janet Evanovich.  And, I typically share more than just two sentences.

“Lula and I stood in the living room, looking at Grandma’s foot.

‘It looks broke all right,’ Lula said to Grandma.  ‘That’s one heck of an ugly foot you got there, but I like the polish you got on your toes.  What’s the name of that?’

‘Red Hot Rapture.  Lucky I just painted them yesterday.  Imagine breaking your foot when your toes weren’t done up.’

‘Yeah,’ Lula said, ‘I’d hate that.  Does it hurt?’

‘It used to, but I took a couple snorts of Jack Daniels, and I’m pretty happy.'”

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Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading.  Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

Grab your current read.
Open to a random page.
Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page.
BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

This week my teaser is from another Janet Evanovich book – I can’t stop reading them, I just finished the fourteenth, and there are 18.  Maybe after #18 I can move on to something else!

“‘I’m feelin’ faint,’ Lula said.  ‘If he bends over one more time, I’m gonna pass out.  I can’t stop lookin’.  I’ts a train wreck.  It’s like the end of the universe.  You know, when you get sucking into that thing.  What do you call it?’

‘Black hole?’

‘Yeah, that’s it.  it’s like staring into the black hole.’

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Catching Up – Travels – News – Review

I feel like I’ve been totally out of touch this week!  I’m recovering from acute bronchitis, it’s been a while since I’ve felt that bad!  I didn’t check Facebook or Email, only went somewhere if it was absolutely necessary (doctor, pharmacy, school).  I still feel like I’m coughing up a lung, but I’m pretty sure I’m not dying!  I couldn’t say that for certain on Monday!

I hope everyone had a good weekend, I know that a holiday weekend can be a wonderful family time, and it can also be a time of bittersweet memories.  Thankfully, I still have my mom, mother-in-law and grandmothers.  I know it won’t be that way forever, and I’m very fortunate to have them.  This past week we traveled to GA where one of our daughters and son-in-law are stationed, and spent time with them and our darling grand-daughter for Mother’s Day.

I wrote my Mailbox Monday and Teaser Tuesday posts before we left town, so I was able to simply post them, but haven’t felt like doing much of anything since, compliments of the bronchitis.  Today I’m up and around, and the housework is calling my name.

I’ve come across some interesting things online lately, and thought I’d share a couple of them.

Here’s a neat article about book art at the WebUrbanist website.  See some of the artwork below:

The art on the top left as well as the bottom left is done by Su Blackwell,  top center and right is done by Thomas Allen, and the bottom right is a piece I haven’t been able to credit yet.  Another artist whose work I really like is Brian Dettmer’s.

While I am too attached to books to use them even for the most beautiful art, I love these pieces.  Their websites show a lot of other pieces they’ve done – just amazing!  I love that books are such a fascinating medium.  There are so many old books that no one seems to want that are stored, or left behind, it wonderful that they can be used for something so lovely.  I’ve seen a lot of book crafts on Pinterest, and again, while they are lovely, I’m not sure I could cut up books.  I grew up with a great respect for books, no matter their age.  My mother wouldn’t allow us to turn down the corner to mark our place (which is why I use almost any random thing as a bookmark), lay the books facedown while open, mark in them, or do anything else that might make them less than pristine.  I had a hard time writing or highlighting in my textbooks, thanks to her!

Here’s are some Pinterest finds using books:

 A book/clock using Where The Wild Things Are

Painting on Book Bindings

Book Page Wallpaper

Vintage Book Expandable File

Vintage Book Necklace

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Here’s a news tidbit that made me cringe, considering we spent a couple of days last week on the road and eating fast food – “Teen Finds Finger in Arby’s Sandwich”.  I’m not a fan of fast food normally, but then when you read about stuff like this it makes me positively nauseous.

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I have a few TV shows that I really like, I DVR them, then on a weekend, or unexpected downtime I watch them sans commercials.  I came across a list of the shows cancelled in or after the 2011-2012 season.  Some of my favorites are being cancelled – USA cancelled “In Plain Sight”, TNT cancelled “The Closer”, NBC cancelled “Harry’s Law”, FOX cancelled “Terra Nova” and “Alcatraz”, CBS cancelled “CSI Miami”, and ABC cancelled “Combat Hospital”, “Expedition Impossible”, and “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”.  There is a show that’s coming back that I’m excited about is ABC’s “Secret Millionaire”.

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Review: Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich

As the thirteenth book in the Stephanie Plum series, if you know Stephanie from previous books (or the One For The Money movie), you have a general idea about how this book goes.  Stephanie just wants to do her job.  Her job gets complicated.  She gets in over her head.  Ranger & Morelli work together to rescue her.  And, as always – it’s funny.

Stephanie was a lingerie buyer for a local department store, and when she got laid off she blackmailed her cousin, Vinnie, into giving her a job as a BEA (Bond Enforcement Agent) chasing down skips or FTA’s (Failure to Appear).  She has no training or experience, and another bounty hunter, Ranger, (ex-special forces military, who is totally hot and invests in stocks and real estate) mentors her, and adds an interesting triangle to her on-again off-again relationship with Joe Morelli, plain clothes detective who took her virginity behind a canolli case years before.  Other characters:  Lulu is an ex-hooker who was beaten almost to death, and changed her career path to file clerk at Vincent Plum’s Bail Bonds.  Connie Risolli is Vinnie’s “guard dog” receptionist, and Grandma Mazur moved in with Stephanie’s mom and dad after her husband died, and drives Stephanie’s mother to drink.

The particulars of this book are that Ranger asks Stephanie to visit her ex-husband, Dickie Orr, and plant bugs in his office.  Dickie is a lawyer, and the guy who, as the books say, cheated on her about 15 minutes after their marriage, and who she divorced about 15 minutes after that.  When she goes to his office with her trusty sidekick’s, Lula and Connie, she sees a picture of Dickie with her mortal enemy, Joyce Barnhardt, and goes nuts.  She assaults Dickie in front of multiple witnesses.  The next day Dickie has disappeared, leaving only a trail of blood in his house.  The general public consensus is that Stephanie picked up where she left off at the law office, and eliminated Dickie.  With Joyce generating theories about Stephanie’s guilt and following her every move.  With Dickie’s law partners dropping like flies, disappearing then turning up dead, is Dickie going to show up dead next?  Stephanie has no alibi – will this be the shenanigan that puts her on the wrong side of the law?

Other Reviews:  Book Reporter, Read it, Read it, Loved it, Alison’s Book Marks, and The Book Addict’s Guide.

While all of Janet Evanovich’s books are funny, I found this one less funny than most of them.  I still enjoyed it, and am moving right on to Fearless Fourteen.  So far I have rated this entire series as 4 out of 5 stars, but this one I rated 3 out of 5 stars.

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Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

Grab your current read
Open to a random page
Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

This week’s teaser is from To the Nines by Janet Evanovich.  I’m really enjoying this series, it’s so funny, and I look forward to each one!  It’s definitely the brain candy type of book where you can just relax and enjoy it without having to work too hard to keep up with the story line.

This excerpt is between Lula and Stephanie – Lula has found a new diet which is supposed to make her a supermodel.

“Doughnuts are going to be a problem.  Don’t think there’s anything I can eat on a doughnut.

So, whats in the cooler?

Meat.  I got ribs and rotisserie chicken and a pound of crispy bacon.  I can eat meat until I grow a tail and moo.  This is the best diet.  I can eat things on this diet that I haven’t been able to eat in years.

Like what?

Like bacon.

You always eat bacon.

Yeah, but I feel guilty.  It’s the guilt that puts the weigh on.”

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Filed under fiction books, food, Humor, reading, Teaser Tuesdays

Thursday Thoughts

This week my daughter and her bestie are out of school – they are in a non-traditional school, so they have breaks through-out the year, and a shorter summer.  No one else on our street is out of school, so they are a little bored.  We decided to have a movie day today since we are probably going to break a heat record here today, and they don’t need another sunburn.

We started with Hop, and moved on to We Bought a Zoo (loved), and are about to start on the Mighty Macs (they are both basketball players).  We took a trip to the local Dollar store and everyone got two movie candies – including me.  Then they talked me into another one for them to share.  An hour after breakfast they are settled on the couch with 2.5 movie candies each, and a big bowl of popcorn.  After the second movie I made them stop and have a protein filled lunch to combat the sugar high.  They are both crashing as we speak.  This gives me a bit of down time, so I thought I’d write a post real quick, and get some reading done.

I’ve been trying to read Fifty Shades of Grey for almost a week now.  I’m struggling to get into it.  On the other hand I’ve read five Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich in that time frame.  I’ve decided that I must be the odd man (woman) out, because to be honest, I’d rather have Joe Morelli than Christian Grey.  At least so far.  I don’t usually have a hard time getting into books, but I’m struggling to finish Fifty Shades – it’s kind of like a relationship – if you have to force it, it’s probably not worth it.  I’m sure Mr. Grey has a different opinion.

Jason O’Mara has been cast to play Joe Morelli in the movie adaptation of One for the Money, and Matt Bomer is just how I picture Christian Grey.  Although the movie rights for Fifty Shades of Grey have been purchased, no one has been cast as Christian Grey as of yet.

Speaking of Stephanie Plum, I love the cast for this movie.  It probably wouldn’t matter so much to someone who hasn’t read the book/series, but to me these people are so close to what I imagined them to be in my mind while reading the books that I can hardly wait to go see it.  Stephanie is being played by Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara as Morelli, Daniel Sunjata as Ranger, Sherri Shepard as Lula, Debra Monk as Mrs. Plum, and Debbie Reynolds as Grandma Mazur.

These books are so funny that more often that not I wake the hubby while I’m reading them in bed at night because my laughter shakes him awake.  Here’s an excerpt from the beginning of book five, High Five.

“My mother was at the door when I pulled to the curb.  My grandmother Mazur stood elbow to elbow with my mother.  They were short slim women with facial features that suggested Mongol ancestors…probably in the form of crazed marauders.

‘Thank goodness you’re here,’ my mother said, eyeing me as I got out of the car and walked toward her.  ‘What are those shoes?  They look like work boots.’

‘Betty Szajak and Emma Getz and me went to that male dancer place last week,’ Grandma said, ‘and they had some men parading around, looking like construction workers, wearing boots just like those.  Then next thing you knew they ripped their clothes off and all they had left was those boots and these little silky black baggie things that their ding-dongs jiggled around in.’ 

My mother pressed her lips together and made the sign of the cross.  ‘You didn’t tell me about this,’ she said to my grandmother.

‘Guess it slipped my mind.  Betty and Emma and me were going to bingo at the church, but it turned out there wasn’t any bingo on account of the Knights of Columbus was holding some to-do there.  So we decided to check out the men at that new club downtown.’  Grandma gave me an elbow.  ‘I put a fiver right in one of those baggies!’

*&##^%*!’, my father said, rattling his paper in the living room.

Grandma Mazur came to live with my parents several years ago when my grandpa Mazur went to the big poker game in the sky.  My mother accepts this as a daughter’s obligation.  My father has taken to reading Guns & Ammo.”

More hilarity ensues later in this book when Grandma Mazur tries out Stephanie’s stun gun at dinner, and knocks Mr. Plum out.

For those of you not familiar with Stephanie Plum and her family, she was laid off from her position as a lingerie buyer at a local department store,  and blackmails her cousin Vinnie into giving her a job.  Vinnie is a bail bondsman, and Stephanie is now a bounty hunter, for which she is sorely unprepared.  Murphy’s law was written for Stephanie – if something can go wrong, more than likely it will go wrong for Stephanie.  Her first assignment is to track down a local detective who turns out to be Joe Morelli whom she has known since childhood.  She has a love-hate relationship with Morelli – he was her first, and afterwards she ran over him with her dad’s Buick because he was a player, not a relationship guy.  In her quest to capture Morelli and collect her fee, she absconds with his Jeep, which then gets blown up.  In later adventures she blows up half of the local funeral home, gets shot at, and makes friends with a “ho” named Lulu.  After a really bad guy leaves Lulu cut and beaten on Stephanie’s fire escape, Lulu changes careers and becomes the file clerk for Vinni’s office, and a companion for Stephanie on her bounty hunts.  As you can see from the excerpt above, Stephanie’s family is a hoot, and whenever Stephanie spends too much time with them she gets an eye twitch.  (Which many of us can empathize with.)  Stephanie says things like, “I’m not one of those people who find their stride.  My body was not designed to run.  My body was designed to sit in an expensive car and drive.”  She rationalizes pizza and donuts, wears too much makeup and big hair, paired with spandex shorts and a sports jersey.  She always gets herself into scrapes and her cars get blown up, towed, wrecked or die.  If you want a good laugh and an entertaining read, start with One for the Money and go from there.

These books, along with the Miss Julia series by Ann B. Ross, are some of the funniest books I’ve ever read!

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Filed under fiction books, Humor, made into movie, reading

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of  Should Be Reading.  Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

  • Grab your current read
  • Open to a random page
  • Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
  • BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
  • Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

He finished his cookie and took another vanilla wafer. I’m not sure I could trust a man who would bypass an Oreo in favor of vanilla wafers. It’s a fundamental character flaw, possibly a sign of true evil.

Patient Zero by Jonathon Maberry

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busybusybusylife: My Husband’s Bike Almost Killed Me

busybusybusylife: My Husband’s Bike Almost Killed Me.

 

This blog, upallnightreading, is mainly about books, reading and other bookish things.  My other blog – the one I use to vent about normal life, is busybusybusylife – the link above details my exercise this morning.  Feel free to laugh with me!

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“And One Last Thing”

I’ve mentioned that I’ve been in a book slump.  For as much as I like to read, I hate to quit a book almost as much.  Something I dislike only slightly less is to not feel drawn in to a book, like I’m reading it because I’m bored, and not because I really want too.  That’s how I’ve felt for the last couple of weeks.  I admitted this to a good book friend, and my librarian.  Both assured me that I would get through it shortly, and that they wouldn’t dump me over it!  Color me relieved!  It was embarrassing to be in a book slump.  The good news is I think I’m out of it!  Yay, me!

I picked up a book on a whim, one that had been on my shelf for probably close to three years.  I hadn’t read anything by this author, and it was the only book by her that I had.  I read Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs on a whim, and within a few pages I was really enjoying it.  Molly Harper, the author, is a former humor columnist, and it shows.  I have laughed out loud, usually by myself in an empty house, or in bed, waking my husband, and have loved every minute of the book.  It was a quick read, and I immediately searched my library for Ms. Harper.  I found this book, And One Last Thing, which was her first book about someone that doesn’t have fangs, or turn four-legged and hairy on the full moon.  I enjoyed this book too, and thought I ‘d share a little of it with you.

Lacey Terwilliger is a stay-at-home wife, supporting her husband, Mike, in his prospering accounting firm by joining charities and volunteering with other “corporate wives”.  The first chapter starts out with this sentence:  “If Singletree’s only florist didn’t deliver her posies half-drunk, I might still be married to that floor-licking, scum-sucking, receptionist-nailing hack-accountant, Mike Terwilliger.”  If that doesn’t make you laugh and keep reading, I don’t know what will!  The aforementioned half-drunk florist, Cherry Glick, knocks on Lacey’s door to deliver a beautiful bouquet of peach colored roses.  Lacey is pleasantly surprised, and opens the card in the arrangement.  It read, “To My Bumblebee, Happy Anniversary, With all my love, Stinger”.  Mike has never called Lacey by a nickname, and he’s never referred to himself, or been referred to by Lacey, as “Stinger”.  It is also not their anniversary.

Confused, Lacey tells the stumbling Cherry that she’s delivered the arrangement to the wrong house.   When Cherry assures her that the delivery is from Mr. Terwilliger, Lacey checks the billing envelope and sees that the florist was supposed to deliver the “albatross arrangement” to the Terwilliger office.  At first Lacey thinks perhaps Mike is bringing the roses home to her, and giving her a new nickname, Bumblebee.  In her confusion it takes a bit to realize that coincidentally, Mike’s assistant’s name is Beebee.  You can imagine where it goes from there.  Surprisingly, Lacey shows great restraint in dealing with Mike.  She doesn’t tell him about the mis-delivered roses, or that she saw him in his office with Beebee after the mis-delivery, or that she found his new email account, thestinger@quickmail.com, with the password Bumblebee, or that she’s seen all the raunchy emails and photos attached.

Mike continues on his merry way having “client dinners”, “working late”, and generally behaving as usual.  Meanwhile Lacey is vacillating between being angry and disbelieving.  When Mike asks her over dinner how the monthly newsletter is coming along, she gets a vengeful inspiration.  The idea solidifies when Mike instructs her to call Beebee and do a “getting to know you” interview so the clients will be familiar with her when they call the office.

The fourth chapter is titled, “Hell Hath No Fury…Like a Woman with a Mailing List”.  This is a small spoiler, so if you want to read the book, you could just go get it, and forego reading this right here.  She starts off by saying, “As we head into those dog days of July, Mike would like to thank those who helped him get the toys he needs to enjoy his summer”.  She details his purchases, including a bass boat and a condo in Florida.  Then she goes straight for the jugular, “…and a $2,000 set of golf clubs…which he has been using as an alibi to cover the fact that he has been remorselessly banging his secretary, Beebee, for the last six months.”  At this point I am holding my sides laughing!  How many of us have been through something like this, or know someone who has, and we’ve been angry, hurt, devastated, and vented to our closest friends, but not done a public thing about it?  Lacey continues the newsletter, telling Mike’s clients, “I learned that cheap motel rooms have been christened.  Office equipment has been sullied.”  When referring to BeeBee, she writes, “I’ve had a hard time not blaming the conniving, store-bought-cleavage-baring Oompa Loompa-skinned adulteress for her part in the destruction of my marriage.  But considering what she’s getting, she has my sympathies.”  The last paragraph of the newsletter starts with, “And one last thing”, and ends with “Mike Terwilliger will own up to being the faithless, loveless, spineless, useless, dickless wonder he is.”

I am delighted by this book, and this is only chapter four!  With her life in shambles, and after becoming the defendant in Mike’s defamation lawsuit, Lacey retreats to the family cabin on the lake to hide out.  The story is appealing and humorous.  Lacey has to learn to sleep alone, shop for herself, without caring what Mike’s preferences are, and survive being a media punch line.

Lacey is approached by Maya, the owner of a small greeting card company called “Season’s Gratings”, with card lines such as “Arsenic and Bold Face”.  Maya proposes that Lacey join her company, and write newsletters and emails for other women who have experienced similar circumstances with their husbands.  While the idea is appealing and would provide an income for the newly divorced stay-at-home wife, will this keep her in a mindset of revenge and anger?  Lacey’s transition to a single functioning adult after being a support person to her philandering husband is tricky, emotional and hilarious!

If you get a chance to read And One Last Thing, I hope that you enjoy it.  And if you like humorous, romantic and supernatural stories, you would probably enjoy her two series, “Good Girls Don’t….”, and the “A Naked Werewolf”.

You can read more about Molly Harper and her books at her website.  She also has a companion blog, “Single Undead Female“.

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Pronunciation – Book versus Manual

Today while watching Ellen (I was home with my sick little one), we saw the funniest thing.  There is a youtube guide called Pronunciation Book – this shows a word, and says the correct pronunciation.  I assume it’s to help people learning English, or to help English speakers with those weird little words they see and always wonder about.  Here’s an example of Pronunciation Book…

 

Funny story – when my sister was very young she used to pronounce this “Fox Paws”, and it took my mom and I a minute to figure out what she was trying to say.  I still get tickled about this, and occasionally when we are all together one of us will still say it as “fox paws”, just to get everyone to laugh.  (I’m giggling just typing this)

Ok, here’s the current funny thing – someone put a spoof channel called Pronunciation Manual on youtube, and although it’s totally a joke, if someone were to come across this instead of the Pronunciation Book, we are never going to understand them!  This cracks me up, and while there are a multitude of video pronunciations, here are a couple of my favorites…

 

 

So, if you’re finished gasping for breath and crying on your keyboard, you’re gonna have to go to youtube and check out these channels.

All I’ve got to say after 30 minutes of watching these is…..

 

 

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This is so funny!

Check out today’s (Jan 18th)  post at “Itsy Bitsy Paper Blog”.  She does some awesome crafts, and has a great sense of humor.

 

http://www.itsybitsypaperblog.com/

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