Tag Archives: humor

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading.  Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

Grab your current read.
Open to a random page.
Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page.
BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

This teaser is from Sizzling Sixteen by Janet Evanovich.  And, I typically share more than just two sentences.

“Lula and I stood in the living room, looking at Grandma’s foot.

‘It looks broke all right,’ Lula said to Grandma.  ‘That’s one heck of an ugly foot you got there, but I like the polish you got on your toes.  What’s the name of that?’

‘Red Hot Rapture.  Lucky I just painted them yesterday.  Imagine breaking your foot when your toes weren’t done up.’

‘Yeah,’ Lula said, ‘I’d hate that.  Does it hurt?’

‘It used to, but I took a couple snorts of Jack Daniels, and I’m pretty happy.’”

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Catching Up – Travels – News – Review

I feel like I’ve been totally out of touch this week!  I’m recovering from acute bronchitis, it’s been a while since I’ve felt that bad!  I didn’t check Facebook or Email, only went somewhere if it was absolutely necessary (doctor, pharmacy, school).  I still feel like I’m coughing up a lung, but I’m pretty sure I’m not dying!  I couldn’t say that for certain on Monday!

I hope everyone had a good weekend, I know that a holiday weekend can be a wonderful family time, and it can also be a time of bittersweet memories.  Thankfully, I still have my mom, mother-in-law and grandmothers.  I know it won’t be that way forever, and I’m very fortunate to have them.  This past week we traveled to GA where one of our daughters and son-in-law are stationed, and spent time with them and our darling grand-daughter for Mother’s Day.

I wrote my Mailbox Monday and Teaser Tuesday posts before we left town, so I was able to simply post them, but haven’t felt like doing much of anything since, compliments of the bronchitis.  Today I’m up and around, and the housework is calling my name.

I’ve come across some interesting things online lately, and thought I’d share a couple of them.

Here’s a neat article about book art at the WebUrbanist website.  See some of the artwork below:

The art on the top left as well as the bottom left is done by Su Blackwell,  top center and right is done by Thomas Allen, and the bottom right is a piece I haven’t been able to credit yet.  Another artist whose work I really like is Brian Dettmer’s.

While I am too attached to books to use them even for the most beautiful art, I love these pieces.  Their websites show a lot of other pieces they’ve done – just amazing!  I love that books are such a fascinating medium.  There are so many old books that no one seems to want that are stored, or left behind, it wonderful that they can be used for something so lovely.  I’ve seen a lot of book crafts on Pinterest, and again, while they are lovely, I’m not sure I could cut up books.  I grew up with a great respect for books, no matter their age.  My mother wouldn’t allow us to turn down the corner to mark our place (which is why I use almost any random thing as a bookmark), lay the books facedown while open, mark in them, or do anything else that might make them less than pristine.  I had a hard time writing or highlighting in my textbooks, thanks to her!

Here’s are some Pinterest finds using books:

 A book/clock using Where The Wild Things Are

Painting on Book Bindings

Book Page Wallpaper

Vintage Book Expandable File

Vintage Book Necklace

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Here’s a news tidbit that made me cringe, considering we spent a couple of days last week on the road and eating fast food – “Teen Finds Finger in Arby’s Sandwich”.  I’m not a fan of fast food normally, but then when you read about stuff like this it makes me positively nauseous.

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I have a few TV shows that I really like, I DVR them, then on a weekend, or unexpected downtime I watch them sans commercials.  I came across a list of the shows cancelled in or after the 2011-2012 season.  Some of my favorites are being cancelled – USA cancelled “In Plain Sight”, TNT cancelled “The Closer”, NBC cancelled “Harry’s Law”, FOX cancelled “Terra Nova” and “Alcatraz”, CBS cancelled “CSI Miami”, and ABC cancelled “Combat Hospital”, “Expedition Impossible”, and “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”.  There is a show that’s coming back that I’m excited about is ABC’s “Secret Millionaire”.

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Review: Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich

As the thirteenth book in the Stephanie Plum series, if you know Stephanie from previous books (or the One For The Money movie), you have a general idea about how this book goes.  Stephanie just wants to do her job.  Her job gets complicated.  She gets in over her head.  Ranger & Morelli work together to rescue her.  And, as always – it’s funny.

Stephanie was a lingerie buyer for a local department store, and when she got laid off she blackmailed her cousin, Vinnie, into giving her a job as a BEA (Bond Enforcement Agent) chasing down skips or FTA’s (Failure to Appear).  She has no training or experience, and another bounty hunter, Ranger, (ex-special forces military, who is totally hot and invests in stocks and real estate) mentors her, and adds an interesting triangle to her on-again off-again relationship with Joe Morelli, plain clothes detective who took her virginity behind a canolli case years before.  Other characters:  Lulu is an ex-hooker who was beaten almost to death, and changed her career path to file clerk at Vincent Plum’s Bail Bonds.  Connie Risolli is Vinnie’s “guard dog” receptionist, and Grandma Mazur moved in with Stephanie’s mom and dad after her husband died, and drives Stephanie’s mother to drink.

The particulars of this book are that Ranger asks Stephanie to visit her ex-husband, Dickie Orr, and plant bugs in his office.  Dickie is a lawyer, and the guy who, as the books say, cheated on her about 15 minutes after their marriage, and who she divorced about 15 minutes after that.  When she goes to his office with her trusty sidekick’s, Lula and Connie, she sees a picture of Dickie with her mortal enemy, Joyce Barnhardt, and goes nuts.  She assaults Dickie in front of multiple witnesses.  The next day Dickie has disappeared, leaving only a trail of blood in his house.  The general public consensus is that Stephanie picked up where she left off at the law office, and eliminated Dickie.  With Joyce generating theories about Stephanie’s guilt and following her every move.  With Dickie’s law partners dropping like flies, disappearing then turning up dead, is Dickie going to show up dead next?  Stephanie has no alibi – will this be the shenanigan that puts her on the wrong side of the law?

Other Reviews:  Book Reporter, Read it, Read it, Loved it, Alison’s Book Marks, and The Book Addict’s Guide.

While all of Janet Evanovich’s books are funny, I found this one less funny than most of them.  I still enjoyed it, and am moving right on to Fearless Fourteen.  So far I have rated this entire series as 4 out of 5 stars, but this one I rated 3 out of 5 stars.

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Filed under fiction books, reading, review

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

Grab your current read
Open to a random page
Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

This week’s teaser is from To the Nines by Janet Evanovich.  I’m really enjoying this series, it’s so funny, and I look forward to each one!  It’s definitely the brain candy type of book where you can just relax and enjoy it without having to work too hard to keep up with the story line.

This excerpt is between Lula and Stephanie – Lula has found a new diet which is supposed to make her a supermodel.

“Doughnuts are going to be a problem.  Don’t think there’s anything I can eat on a doughnut.

So, whats in the cooler?

Meat.  I got ribs and rotisserie chicken and a pound of crispy bacon.  I can eat meat until I grow a tail and moo.  This is the best diet.  I can eat things on this diet that I haven’t been able to eat in years.

Like what?

Like bacon.

You always eat bacon.

Yeah, but I feel guilty.  It’s the guilt that puts the weigh on.”

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Filed under fiction books, food, Humor, reading, Teaser Tuesdays

Thursday Thoughts

This week my daughter and her bestie are out of school – they are in a non-traditional school, so they have breaks through-out the year, and a shorter summer.  No one else on our street is out of school, so they are a little bored.  We decided to have a movie day today since we are probably going to break a heat record here today, and they don’t need another sunburn.

We started with Hop, and moved on to We Bought a Zoo (loved), and are about to start on the Mighty Macs (they are both basketball players).  We took a trip to the local Dollar store and everyone got two movie candies – including me.  Then they talked me into another one for them to share.  An hour after breakfast they are settled on the couch with 2.5 movie candies each, and a big bowl of popcorn.  After the second movie I made them stop and have a protein filled lunch to combat the sugar high.  They are both crashing as we speak.  This gives me a bit of down time, so I thought I’d write a post real quick, and get some reading done.

I’ve been trying to read Fifty Shades of Grey for almost a week now.  I’m struggling to get into it.  On the other hand I’ve read five Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich in that time frame.  I’ve decided that I must be the odd man (woman) out, because to be honest, I’d rather have Joe Morelli than Christian Grey.  At least so far.  I don’t usually have a hard time getting into books, but I’m struggling to finish Fifty Shades – it’s kind of like a relationship – if you have to force it, it’s probably not worth it.  I’m sure Mr. Grey has a different opinion.

Jason O’Mara has been cast to play Joe Morelli in the movie adaptation of One for the Money, and Matt Bomer is just how I picture Christian Grey.  Although the movie rights for Fifty Shades of Grey have been purchased, no one has been cast as Christian Grey as of yet.

Speaking of Stephanie Plum, I love the cast for this movie.  It probably wouldn’t matter so much to someone who hasn’t read the book/series, but to me these people are so close to what I imagined them to be in my mind while reading the books that I can hardly wait to go see it.  Stephanie is being played by Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara as Morelli, Daniel Sunjata as Ranger, Sherri Shepard as Lula, Debra Monk as Mrs. Plum, and Debbie Reynolds as Grandma Mazur.

These books are so funny that more often that not I wake the hubby while I’m reading them in bed at night because my laughter shakes him awake.  Here’s an excerpt from the beginning of book five, High Five.

“My mother was at the door when I pulled to the curb.  My grandmother Mazur stood elbow to elbow with my mother.  They were short slim women with facial features that suggested Mongol ancestors…probably in the form of crazed marauders.

‘Thank goodness you’re here,’ my mother said, eyeing me as I got out of the car and walked toward her.  ‘What are those shoes?  They look like work boots.’

‘Betty Szajak and Emma Getz and me went to that male dancer place last week,’ Grandma said, ‘and they had some men parading around, looking like construction workers, wearing boots just like those.  Then next thing you knew they ripped their clothes off and all they had left was those boots and these little silky black baggie things that their ding-dongs jiggled around in.’ 

My mother pressed her lips together and made the sign of the cross.  ‘You didn’t tell me about this,’ she said to my grandmother.

‘Guess it slipped my mind.  Betty and Emma and me were going to bingo at the church, but it turned out there wasn’t any bingo on account of the Knights of Columbus was holding some to-do there.  So we decided to check out the men at that new club downtown.’  Grandma gave me an elbow.  ‘I put a fiver right in one of those baggies!’

*&##^%*!’, my father said, rattling his paper in the living room.

Grandma Mazur came to live with my parents several years ago when my grandpa Mazur went to the big poker game in the sky.  My mother accepts this as a daughter’s obligation.  My father has taken to reading Guns & Ammo.”

More hilarity ensues later in this book when Grandma Mazur tries out Stephanie’s stun gun at dinner, and knocks Mr. Plum out.

For those of you not familiar with Stephanie Plum and her family, she was laid off from her position as a lingerie buyer at a local department store,  and blackmails her cousin Vinnie into giving her a job.  Vinnie is a bail bondsman, and Stephanie is now a bounty hunter, for which she is sorely unprepared.  Murphy’s law was written for Stephanie – if something can go wrong, more than likely it will go wrong for Stephanie.  Her first assignment is to track down a local detective who turns out to be Joe Morelli whom she has known since childhood.  She has a love-hate relationship with Morelli – he was her first, and afterwards she ran over him with her dad’s Buick because he was a player, not a relationship guy.  In her quest to capture Morelli and collect her fee, she absconds with his Jeep, which then gets blown up.  In later adventures she blows up half of the local funeral home, gets shot at, and makes friends with a “ho” named Lulu.  After a really bad guy leaves Lulu cut and beaten on Stephanie’s fire escape, Lulu changes careers and becomes the file clerk for Vinni’s office, and a companion for Stephanie on her bounty hunts.  As you can see from the excerpt above, Stephanie’s family is a hoot, and whenever Stephanie spends too much time with them she gets an eye twitch.  (Which many of us can empathize with.)  Stephanie says things like, “I’m not one of those people who find their stride.  My body was not designed to run.  My body was designed to sit in an expensive car and drive.”  She rationalizes pizza and donuts, wears too much makeup and big hair, paired with spandex shorts and a sports jersey.  She always gets herself into scrapes and her cars get blown up, towed, wrecked or die.  If you want a good laugh and an entertaining read, start with One for the Money and go from there.

These books, along with the Miss Julia series by Ann B. Ross, are some of the funniest books I’ve ever read!

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Filed under fiction books, Humor, made into movie, reading

I’ve been nominated!!!

I’ve been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by Twigs for Pigs!  Check her out – she talks about life, books and photography!  She nominated me a while back, but I’ve been crazy trying to catch up on all my to-do list, and am just now sitting down to read the rules.

After you are nominated, you thank the person who nominated you, (obviously) and link to their blog, then you in turn nominate 15 blogs that you are crazy about, blogs you like to read.  Lastly, you tell the person who nominated you seven things about yourself.  So, here are my seven things for Twiggy (and you can read along).

  1. I am dyslexic.  It started out only affecting my numbers, then a few years ago, I noticed the consonants migrating on my papers.  I can type an entire word with the consonants completely reversed.  (and not on purpose!)
  2. I love doing genealogy research.  I squint at old handwritten notes with dates and names, trying to figure out where they go, and who they married.  I often call my mother to tell her about an obscure relative I found who overcame incredible obstacles, or traveled half-way around the world to live their dream.
  3. I use humor to shade the harder parts of life.  I’d rather laugh through it than cry, although sometimes both can help.
  4. My dream job would be for someone to pay me to proofread books.
  5. I abhor talking on the phone.  I would rather text or email, or better yet, visit with you in person.  Phone calls are a bane.  I only willingly talk on the phone when its someone too far away to visit in person.
  6. If I could have a super power, it would be to know people’s motives.
  7. If there really is a zombie apocalypse, I plan to live in a large tree house, like one of these.  (I should start building now – it’s not like there is a downside to having a fabulous tree house, even if there is never a zombie apocalypse!)

Now for the fun part – I get to share 15 blogs that I enjoy for this same award!  I hope you check them out, and if you like them, subscribe!  These are listed in no particular order.

  • JustBeingMichael - Michael is an old college friend of mine – he’s still my friend, still fabulous, and still funny.  I miss him!
  • Geninne’s Art Blog – Geninne is a freelance illustrator/designer and an amazing artist.  I look forward to seeing her blog pop up in my inbox every day.  She also has an etsy shop.  I wish I could pay her to come decorate my whole house!  This is one of my favorite pieces of her art - 
  • Books and Bowel Movements – Cassie writes this blog – she’s a reader, a perpetual student, and hilarious!  I love her writing style, and I’m also sure that this is not the first nomination she’s received.  We began being pen-pals during our “Month of Letters” in March of this year.
  • To Love, Honor and Vacuum –  this blog is written by author Sheila Wray Gregoire.  Her subtitle is “Real Marriage.  No Pretensions.”  Sheila isn’t afraid to address those questions that some of us are afraid to ask, or voice to anyone other than our bestie or therapist.
  • Brave Girls Club – This blog is co-written by sisters Kathy and Melody.  It is a worldwide community of women who want to live the best, happiest, most productive and fabulously brave life they can possibly live…and that means something different to every single one of us.  Some days just reading their Daily Truth Email brings tears to my eyes!
  • The Daily Love – I was introduced to this blog by one of my very best friends, and have really enjoyed it.  The Daily Love was started by Mastin Kipp in 2005 during his journey to find his true purpose.  TDL blends wisdom with style, and reminds us that we are not alone.
  • Forgotten Bookmarks – This blog is written by a rare book seller, who shares all the personal, funny, heartbreaking and weird things found in the used books that come to the shop.  
  • Sunflower Girl – (Because someone was going to have to set a bad example)  Jennifer is a writer and photographer and a mother of four – four boys!  I’m impressed that she survives each day with four boys under 13, much less that she survives to write and take pictures!  :)  Props to you, Jennifer!
  • Filling the Well – written by author Carrie Vaughn.  I love reading her books, and her main series is about a werewolf named Kitty.  (Oh, the irony!)  She also has other stand-alone novels, young adult novels and collections.
  • Thoughts of You – This blog is written by Melissa, who I’m lucky to call both family and friend!  She’s been on hiatus for a while, but I love her thoughtful/thought provoking posts, and am, in my oh-so-subtle-way, hoping to get her back to writing again.  She has stuff in her soul that we need to read!
  • Bermuda Onion’s Weblog – This blog is about books, food and movies.  I am amazed at her consistency and content.  I truly do plan to write/post about 5 times a week, but Kathy is able to write book reviews, coordinate book giveaways, interviews, photographs, etc.  She is also a fellow World Book Night Book Giver!
  • Peeking Between the Pages – Ironically Darlene and I first bonded over the TV Reality Show “The Bachelor”.  We also share a love of books, and she also writes an amazing number of book reviews with tons of great giveaways.

  • People I Want To Punch In The Throat – Jen writes in her “About Me” section that she’s a funny, negative, bitchy type of person, and that her blog is “meant to be funny and satirical.  You don’t have to take me seriously, because I don’t take myself seriously.”  I was turned on to her blog by a fellow elementary school home room mom, who shared Jen’s post about the Elf on the Shelf.  I sat in the car line at school and laughed out loud!  (I wish I could say I laughed my butt off, but it’s still there.)  I enjoy her irreverent style, and love that she just puts out there things that most of us are afraid to say outloud (but still think to ourselves).
  • Mosaic Art Source – This is a beautiful photo blog of different mosaic artists and their work.  It’s the type of beauty that I could not hope to match creatively, and it just makes me smile that so much artistic talent is out there in the world for all of us to enjoy.
  • Bookshelf Porn – This is a photo blog for book lovers.  It showcases bookshelf photos from around the world.  I have to admit that this blog makes me drool and turn green with envy.  I don’t know that I could build a house big enough to hold all the bookshelves this blog makes me want to have.
I hope that you have found a blog or two that you like in this list of nominations!  I would also love to hear of blogs that you have found that you think are fabulous.  If you are one of my nominees, thanks for all that you share with me (and ever so many others), I love your work!

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Pronunciation – Book versus Manual

Today while watching Ellen (I was home with my sick little one), we saw the funniest thing.  There is a youtube guide called Pronunciation Book – this shows a word, and says the correct pronunciation.  I assume it’s to help people learning English, or to help English speakers with those weird little words they see and always wonder about.  Here’s an example of Pronunciation Book…

 

Funny story – when my sister was very young she used to pronounce this “Fox Paws”, and it took my mom and I a minute to figure out what she was trying to say.  I still get tickled about this, and occasionally when we are all together one of us will still say it as “fox paws”, just to get everyone to laugh.  (I’m giggling just typing this)

Ok, here’s the current funny thing – someone put a spoof channel called Pronunciation Manual on youtube, and although it’s totally a joke, if someone were to come across this instead of the Pronunciation Book, we are never going to understand them!  This cracks me up, and while there are a multitude of video pronunciations, here are a couple of my favorites…

 

 

So, if you’re finished gasping for breath and crying on your keyboard, you’re gonna have to go to youtube and check out these channels.

All I’ve got to say after 30 minutes of watching these is…..

 

 

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Honey Badger Don’t Care

“Honey Badger Don’t Care: Randall’s Guide to Crazy, Nastyass Animals”

by Randall

Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

82 Pages

This book is HILARIOUS!  I wasn’t prepared for how funny this was going to be.  As usual I was going to read “just a few pages” before going to bed, and then I find myself on the couch laughing out loud to an empty room while everyone else is trying to sleep.  It actually is an informative book about different animals, but its told in such a funny sarcastic tone that you don’t even realize you’re learning while you read.

Did you know that the Honey Badger has no known enemies?  Or that the Aye-Aye looks like Don Knotts?  Or that when Tasmanian Devils feel threatened they fart?  (I didn’t know that either!)  I also didn’t know that the Emporer Tamarin lives for up to 17 years!  I also learned that Sloths are born upside down and spend 9-10 hours a day sleeping upside down!

Table of Contents:

  • The Honey Badger
  • The Aye-Aye
  • The Tasmanian Devil
  • The Emporer Tamarin
  • The Pink Fairy Armadillo
  • The Tarsier
  • The Opossum
  • The Solenodon
  • The Wombat
  • The American Bullfrog
  • The Sloth

I think you’ll laugh while you learn at this fun little book!

Releases Jan 24, 2012

 

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